30 Days of Blogging: Day 5

Day 5: What is something I can't seem to get over?

Hmm... Seeing how I'm an Aries and we love to hold grudges, figuring this out could take a good while. LoL, I'm kidding. Seriously, the one thing I can't seem to get over is the fact that my parents separated 24 years ago. They didn't divorce until 4 years after the separation and that in and of itself opened a whole new can of things I can't seem to get over.

I never for an iota of a second ever thought about my parents not being together. Granted, as a child, the signs were there, but I was too busy being a child and enjoying my childhood to really even pay those signs any attention. I just knew that I would grow up with both of my parents in the same household forever.

When that didn't happen, I was devastated. Finding out that we were living in one place and my dad was going to be living somewhere else, was world crushing. I missed him a lot, but I always believed that distance wouldn't be an issue because he would do whatever it took to always be in our lives.

Time gradually changed that...

There was a lot of pain and anger on my part about everything. My mom tried her best to reassure me that it would all be okay, even making excuses in my dad's defense, but I was no fool. I honestly feel that if my father handled his relationship with me differently, we wouldn't have had the crap relationship that I tried to establish with him during my adult years. I was so desperate to have him in mine and my children's life that I was willing to settle for whatever relationship he was willing to have with me. I damn near begged that man for a relationship with him and he continued to treat me as if I was his ex-wife's annoying child that wouldn't go away. Sadly, he finally got his wish because I haven't spoken to him since the end of 2015.

Even now, sitting here, typing this, my eyes are filling up with water and the cool liquid is spilling out of my eyes. All I ever wanted was to know that I was still "daddy's little girl". All I ever wanted was for him to keep the promise that he would never put any woman before us. But life if funny like that because we never ever really get what we want, do we?