Sometimes All You Can Do....

Is breathe...

And once you begin to exhale, you then realize how long and how hard it was that you were holding your breath. The breath that you feared was going to quite possibly be your last...

It takes a mature and responsible person to be able to admit when they're wrong and today, that person is me. Lately, I haven't been reacting accordingly to certain situations in my life. I either under react or over react to them, causing me to end up with less than the stellar results that I was initially going for. Not only do I end up with less than stellar results, I end up losing sleep and receiving a massive headache behind it. That, I recently realized, has to stop...

Another thing that I recently realized is what is holding me back from being able to write. There is too much mental garbage cluttering up my thoughts and it's causing my mind to constantly go blank. One cannot be a successful anything when they cannot think straight and my thoughts are the keys to my success....

When A Caged Animal Feels Trapped...

Nothing good can ever come of it...

In the six months since I've blogged, I've had many ups and downs. Were some of them able to be put into words? Yes, but they were never completed thoughts of any kind. There was a poem that I had the pleasure of writing that made absolutely NO sense what-so-ever, but I was very proud of myself for it. Mainly because it was the first true breakthrough that I've had since being bogged down on a regular basis with the dreaded Writer's Block. I've actually posted that poem to my Fanpage and I'm thinking about doing a Youtube video of it as well.

Speaking of Youtube... I haven't posted anything since I posted the video over a year and a half ago of me reading the poem that was written because of my Bell's Palsy. It's crazy because I've only gone back and watched that poem about once or twice since I've been "healed". The one thing about that whole situation is that it was a VERY humbling one for me and it was the moment that I began my journey of getting to truly know myself. My strengths and weaknesses. What can make me and what can break me. Seems like there are a lot of things that have been trying to break me down as of late...

But anyway, back to what I had initally begun to say.

Lately, I feel like I'm moments away from exploding. There are times when I have these ridiculous childlike outbursts and/or even tantrums, if you will. This has been going on for quite some time now and I think I finally know exactly why that is. If I am not reading or even writing, then I seem to practically lose my mind. Everything around me makes me miserable and I find that people seem to get on my nerves more so than usual. It's a sad thing because I've been more down than I have been up and I cannot stand to be down. I want the "happy" and "content" me back; the only way that is to happen is if I go for what I know and what I know are words. Reading them, writing them, singing them, and more. God, how I love literature...

I've been writing a lot more though. I almost HAVE to. It's like a basic need for me, like water or air. There are MULTIPLE poems lying around that have one to three stanzas on them, but very few are completed. Shorter poems seem much easier for me to complete than longer ones and that's funny because years ago it was the other way around. I don't know. I do know that I've grown up quite a bit since I began working last year; working mainly caused me to HAVE to step outside of my world and into other's. It has caused me to begin to find a grey area that wasn't ever there growing up and even into my twenties. It has opened my mind up more than I could've ever imagined it to be. Working is also probably the number one reason why writing and I are at such a stand still...

Something has to change...

And With The Good...

There comes the bad.

The last couple of months I have found myself floating on Cloud 9 in a sense. I have been making strides in what I feel is the right direction on the path that I have wanted to travel for so long; God has blessed me with the means to do so. But naturally, if something is too good to be true than A. it either is or B. the devil is just laying in wait to try and destroy it.

I try not to get TOO personal with my posts because I just feel that some things should be kept to oneself, but there are moments when a little exposure is okay. I mean, how else can another person relate if they haven't the slightest idea as to what it is that I am talking about, right?

I feel that my "too good to be true" is trying to be destroyed by the devil because every other attempt that he has thrown at me has failed. My faith has stayed steadfast and true the entire time and I'm sure that's not exactly a positive note when dealing with the devil. Not only that, but I have been rather happy in my life lately and I'm thankful for it. I've been making changes in my life that have only enhanced my way of living, brightened my outlook on life, and caused me to be more excited about the possibilities of the future. What better way to tear me down than to try and detroy all of that?

Last week was a seriously rough week for me. Anything that could go wrong, did! I found it like a battle within myself to try and remain sane throughout it all but the moment I realized that I couldn't handle the load any longer on my own, I began to pray...About EVERYTHING... Slowly but surely, everything began to mellow out and I felt the weight on my shoulders beginning to lift. (Sigh) I have to keep in mind that because I believe in a Higher Power, that everything that goes on in my life is out of my control. That anytime the bad seems to outweigh the good, all I have to do is pray for patience and strength and I will INSTANTLY receive it. I can't explain it, but it's just a calm that comes over me and I feel that I'm no longer stressed out or even drowning under the weight of the stress. I also have to remember that when the good outweighs the bad, I have to be thankful; throughout everything I have to remember to ALWAYS remain humble. I don't know, but it makes sense to me.

I've been working so much lately, that I hardly have time to focus on the things that make me happiest. The things that make me, ME. I'm so constantly busy that I no longer have time for anything anymore, but even less time for myself and I believe that if I start focusing on myself again, life will flow much better. Hobbies are being abandoned and goals are being left to stagnate, I'm becoming disconnected from my family and a stranger to my friends... All of those issues are not like me at all. Again, that's nothing but the devil trying to knock me off of my feet, trying to cause me to lose focus of the bigger picture. And so, I will continue to pray because one day everything will be back to normal but until then, as I stated earlier, with the good...

And So I Emerge From The Ashes...

Much stronger than I've ever imagined myself to be.

I've come a long way in my personal development and I must say that not only am I extremely humbled by it all, but I'm very proud of how I have grown. I find it hard to imagine that not that long ago I felt like my entire universe was going to collapse within itself; I even patiently waited for it to do so actually. Now here I am feeling like I can't stop laughing or smiling. Doing things that I never saw myself ever doing. (A little chuckle escapes even now)

There are moments when I feel so creative that it hurts and sometimes those moments come at random, but at least they are coming. For so long, there weren't any moments at all. My mind stayed void of anything at all; no words, no phrases, no emotions, nothing. Even as I am typing this, I am grinning like a fool because I realize what I've been through and appreciate how happy I am. I am able to appreciate my happiness for what it is and I won't even analyze it like I do everything else.

I feel like everything happens for a reason. Whether we like it or not, our lives were meant to be on the path that we are currently taking. It's not a matter of what happens to you or how it happens, it's a matter of how we handle the situation and ourselves WHEN it happens. One can either take it like a champ and learn something from it or cower like a scared animal and learn nothing at all. Quite frankly, I like to think of myself as a champ.

Writing is my lover and for a long time, my lover and I didn't have anything in common. Neither had anything for the other; no words, no phrases, no emotion, nothing. Now we have reunited and I feel that Writing and I are stronger than ever before! I simply cannot wait for my mind to settle down long enough to articulate some of the thoughts that have been racing through my head, I know my pen is excited too! I'm ashamed, however, that I ever let anything come between us as everything has already done. Never again, nope, not ever...

My Class Assignment

This is an introductory speech that I had to write for my Speech class. Figured it was something worth sharing.


Growing up, I was one of those children that wanted to be any and everything that there could’ve been to be as an adult. There were those typical ones that every child chose and then there were those unusual ones that made you raise your eyebrow. Ultimately, it wasn’t any of those things that I settled on becoming when I grew up. Even though I am currently in college to pursue a Bachelor’s in Software Programming a couple of years after receiving my Associate’s in Web Support, I grew up to do what I love best and am still doing it to this day; my name is La Kata and I am a writer.

There are two authors that inspired me enough to want to become a writer, more so a poet than anything else, and those two people are Dr. Seuss and Maya Angelou. I remember the very first time I ever read or even owned a Dr. Seuss book! I was living in Japan and must’ve been about 5 years old. The book was “The Cat in the Hat” and that must be my favorite story even to this day; decades later, I still have that book. I loved the way Dr. Seuss rhymed and how it seemed so melodic as you read the words upon the pages, almost like a song of sorts.

For Maya Angelou, I must’ve been in the 5th or 6th grade, I can’t remember. However, I can remember that reading her work made me want to cry. Some of it filled with such a heavy emotion to be a young child that I couldn’t imagine actually being in her shoes. I loved how it seemed like she poured her very being into her work and exposed her very soul to the world without ever seeming to hesitate about it. She, was how I wanted to be when I became a writer.

I like to believe that I have come a long way as a writer and that if I were ever to have met Dr. Seuss or meet Maya Angelou, they would be impressed with my writing but most of all, they would be proud. I’ve embraced the catchy rhyme schemes and the “expose my soul” style that both of those phenomenal authors are known for and I’ve begun to build a fan base for my work as well. Most of all though, I’ve stayed true to myself. I’ve stayed true to who I am as a writer and what I stand for; when you’re a writer, I feel that is the most important quality of all.

If there were nothing else in this world that I could do, I would at least like to be able to write. Writing is a form of art and art is a form of expression and I feel that we should all be able to express ourselves somehow. When a person can’t express themselves verbally, I find that it is always easier to express yourself through other ways; writing is mine. The one thing that I enjoy most about writing, is receiving feedback from my readers. I value their opinion and I take into consideration what they have to say about the things that I have written. I don’t think I’ve really received any negative feedback and I take that as a compliment. If there was ever something that I wanted to grow up to be, I think I would be content to grow up and be me.

And Just Like A Raging Thunderstorm...

It was over.

Nothing ever lasts forever; certainly not our hardships. They either make us or they break us and it ultimately all depends on our state of mind.

I've said this multiple times before, but I had quite a year this year. I was tested beyond my wildest imagination and I was humbled more than I could've ever thought possible. I learned a lot about myself and those around me, but more importantly I learned about myself.

When you're standing looking in a mirror, you are faced with your flaws. Dead on. Smack dab in your face like "BAM!". We can't hide them and we damn sure can't deny them because they are what makes us US. They define us and they show what we've been through. Our flaws are even there to help us get through some thing that is yet to come. Deny it all we may, but we are not perfect.

When you put your feet in the dirt and drag along, you will come to find that your hardships drag on and seem to last forever; I've actually found that to be true too. Instead of being stubborn or complicated, open up your heart and mind to the reality of what's right in front of you. Open yourself up to the lesson that you are being presented with and allow yourself to take in every moment but all the while make sure that you are learning something from it. When you do this, you will find that life will become much easier and your clarity will become even clearer.

Trust me, I know.

Time Waits For No One...

That's why I don't wear a watch.

I've experienced quite the ride these last six months, but I must say that the ride is finally over and I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I've learned a lot about myself and those around me. I've learned the key to being truly humble, not just in my work, but within my life. And I've learned patience. True patience. Thank God I took with me lessons to life, because something tells me that if I hadn't, I would still be wallowing in that gutter called "misery".

With everything in my life falling back into place, getting back on track, I am pleased to say that my writing will be following suit. Nothing has suffered more than my writing. I've written here and there in the last some odd months, but not like I should've. My pen deserves better and better is what it's about to receive.

I am too excited about my upcoming projects! I've been focusing a lot lately on collaborations because there is a book that I want to release, one that's been on my mind for YEARS now. I love writing with other writers. I love seeing where their mind is at, where it's going. Most of all though, I love the challenge of having to match their rhythm, their style, their wordplay, their thoughts, and even their words. If I could, I would focus solely on collaborations....