Of testing how resilient we really are...
To say that 2018 kicked my behind would be an absolute understatement. I had rough years in the past, but this one completely takes the damn cake.
Financially, physically, and mentally, 2018 tried to leave me in a puddle of who I once was.
However, as close to breaking me as each test was, I never broke. My resolve might have weakened and my knees might have buckled a bit, but I never broke. I never gave it. Honestly, I couldn't even if I wanted to and believe me, there were so many times when I wanted to.
Why couldn't I? Because I am a wife and mother. A daughter, a sister, and an aunt. There were people that needed me mentally, physically, and emotionally present. Most importantly, I needed myself to be mentally, physically, and emotionally present.
But certain prescribed medications are not good for your mental stability and I learned that the hard way.
As a result, there were times when, out of no where, I hated life and didn't want to live anymore. I found myself hanging on to sanity by a thread and clinging to my husband for dear life. He kept me grounded. He was the clearest image through the haze.
Oh, and I wrote. I wrote my darkest poetry during the moments when I was barely hanging on mentally. I wrote to purge myself and free my soul. And it was only then that I truly realized how much my readers pay attention to my work. I say that because a couple of them reached out to me with concerns and I don't think they truly know how much I appreciate them for that act of kindness.
I went through career changes as well. I worked at four different jobs for like a week in a four month window and I walked away from each one because I found something I didn't like about them. I also walked away from a career that I had made for myself in 2010, one that only truly took off in 2015. I loved proofreading/editing and I enjoyed it like one wouldn't believe, but it just wasn't something that I wanted to do anymore. I walked way from being an author as well, but the enthusiasm from my co-workers at my current job made me change my mind about that.
There were other negative things that occurred in 2018 that I could list, but I won't because I don't want to sound whiny or "woe is me" like.
Understand, there were highs throughout the year, but those highs were few and far between after April.
What I can tell you is that 2018 taught me a lot about myself. It taught me a lot about those around me and a lot about the people that I came in contact with. It literally showed me that everyone you meet really is fighting a battle of sorts within their own life.
2018 also taught me that the more I buck against change, the harder it will be for me to adjust to it becuse it's going to happen whether I like it or not. It taught me that nothing in life is permenant, not even a phone number you've had for 10 years. It taught me that early detection (and maintaining a certain weight) are key factors in living a long and healthy life. It taught me that jobs come and go, but when you are an entreprenuer and passionate about what you do, that can turn into a career that can last a lifetime.
At the end of the day, 2018 taught me that I am stronger than I think, more resilient than I realize, and more inspirational than I could ever imagine.
I am not sad in the least that 2018 ends today and that a new year begins tomorrow. I am completely over 2018 and all the negtive that came with it. Will 2019 be better? I don't know, but what I do know is that I am strong enough to handle whatever curve balls it decides to throw at me.
Happy New Year...
No comments:
Post a Comment