Because This Is A Time For Thanks...

So I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what it is that I am thankful for...

First and foremost, I am thankful for the many, MANY blessings that God has bestowed upon me and for the many blessings that God will continue to bestow upon me. But this is not what this entry is about.

This entry is about the fact that on numerous times God has picked me up when I was completely down and for that, I am grateful.

Many times this year, there were moments that felt like my mind was in its darkest hour. When nothing in my life made me happy and everything felt like a burden. Where dreams no longer existed and nightmares were ever present. When being alone made more sense to me than being surrounded by people. Where suddenly I had no clue as to who I was or what I was meant to be. When running away from my demons felt more like a solution than staying and confronting them. Where I tortured myself mentally on numerous occasions over the paths that I chose not to take. When being depressed was easier than being happy. Where my own mind had become my personal hell...

Through out ALL of that, God protected me.

I'm not going to say that I was an easy person to protect because I know that I wasn't. I didn't have the kind of faith in myself that God had in me and that left me open for the devil. I was weak and the devil preys upon that...

I had to strengthen my relationship with God and that allowed me to build strength within myself. I also had to accept that every battle within my life is not my battle to fight; that I needed to have faith in God to handle them. I also learned that any battle that I do fight, I'm not fighting them alone. In all actuality, I had a lot of learning to do and a lot soul searching to do. And it's not over yet...

Basically, I am thankful that no matter how broken I seemed to be, God never allowed me to break...

When Opportunity Knocks...

Swing open the damn door and embrace it!!!

That's all there really is to say on that matter, honestly.

I feel like multiple times opportunity has knocked on something of mine; a door, a window, my head and I've either looked the other way or ignored the sound all together. Reflecting on where missed opportunities has gotten me in life, has made realize that I allowed my fear of the unknown to override my desire to see myself succeed.

People don't miss opportunities on accident, it's something that they do on purpose; something like a choice if you will. You can CHOOSE to answer when opportunity knocks OR you can CHOOSE to ignore it. Either way, the decision is yours and yours alone. No one can make the decision for you; they can advise on the matter but they can't decide on the matter, because that is something that you have to decide on for yourself.

The moment that you realize that you have missed an opportunity and want to get it back, you must then go out and make an opportunity happen. Put yourself in the position to create an opportunity for yourself. Find doors and then kick them open. Take the bull by the horns and ride it to the ground until their isn't any buck in it left. Take charge of your situation(s) and make it work for you.

Every opportunity presented in life is meant to bring you that much closer to your goal. To your dream. To happiness. It's up to you to embrace these opportunities. When you embrace the opportunities that life presents, it will minimize the negative reflective moments that you will have about your past.

Life = Opportunities. Opportunities = Dreams. Dreams = Happiness. Happiness = Life.

It's just that simple....

Where There Is Darkness....

There is light. Where there is day, there is night.

Many things are cloaked in darkness. Some of our worst fears, deepest secrets, biggest regrets and private truths are kept in the dark. The darkness is there for a reason...

When the darkness becomes all consuming, it is then that we seek the light. However, it is something that we do by choice. On our own. One cannot be forced into the light unless they want to go. Nor, will anyone bearing a flashlight be welcomed.

What a person doesn't understand is that one HAS to be in the darkness in order to appreciate the light. There are people who want to be saved and there are others who don't. There are people who, in order to move forward, have to understand that moving backwards is not an option.

I have been so foolish in thinking that I live privately, when in all actuality, my life is completely transparent. My words as clear as cellophane. That does not work for me. I like my darkness. I embrace my darkness. I need my darkness. Most importantly, people cannot SEE me in my darkness...

I will find the light when I am ready, but for now, your flashlight isn't welcomed here...

Everyone Always Wears....

Two faces. One for the public eye and one where no one else can see...

Who you are and you are perceived to be are sometimes completely opposite. Your core being will always remain, no matter how many times you grow or change.

For a lot of us, it's takes a conscious effort to change, to grow, to become someone different. For others, it comes naturally. Those of us that have to battle our inner demon to become something else, fight hard! Some, like myself, fight to suppress the evil that lies within us, but there are others who fight to suppress the goodness within.

We are the way we are now because someone or something has caused us to be that way. Life, has caused us to be that way. I am kind hearted, caring, and sympathetic because life has made me that way, but that doesn't mean that I have always been that way. There are people who are cold, angry, and mean spirited but that's because life has more than likely made them that way as well. Rarely, have I known someone to remain true to their core personality.

Some people change and then later, wish to go back to their former selves; I am not one of those people. For me, I find more of an inner peace being who I am now. Who I used to be was a very unhappy and angry individual. Granted, I am more guarded than I once was, more observant, but in the grand scheme of things, I am a lot happier. Why? Because life has taught me that in order to survive, you need to be compassionate. In order to grow, you need to understand. In order to change, you need to be open minded. As I stated before, life has made me this way....

Relationships Went From Being Sacred...

To being the butt end of a joke...

My Husband and I have been together for almost fourteen and a half years but we've been married for almost six and a half years. I'm not going to say that it was easy, because it wasn't, but I will say that every troublesome moment has been worth it; those moments have allowed us to get to the peace and tranquility that we are enjoying today. The things that go on in our relationship are no one's business but our own and we make it a habit to keep it that way.

I'm noticing, more often than not, that there are a lot of people who treat being in a relationship like some sort of joke. Never at any given moment should anyone know the ins and outs of your relationship. An occasional, trusted, confidant (or even two) maybe but not ALL of those around you. Not everyone on any social network that you have an account with. Not random strangers on the street. Quite frankly, not even your family should really know the inner workings of your relationship.

If you truly want your relationship to work, then outside interference won't do.

When so many people know your business, then they feel entitled to give THEIR OPINION about YOUR BUSINESS. Nothing irks me more than when unwanted advice is given; especially on a situation that the person knows nothing about. If you make a decision that they don't agree with, then they feel like they have a right to be personally offended by it.

Infidelity, poor money managing, "baby momma/daddy" drama, domestic violence, horrible parenting, a questionable sex life; these are a lot of things that I see/hear about people that I don't even know, especially on a personal level. Smh. I guess some people just don't care what information they share with the world anymore...

Sometimes, All You Need...

Is. Just. One. Day...

Life gets hectic. The faster it goes, the faster we go with it. The slower it goes. the slower we go with it. Life is constantly on the move and therefore, so are we.

Oftentimes, we get so caught up in the steady pace of life that we forget about ourselves. We forget that our bodies need to rest. We even forget about our minds; they need to rest as well. We forget that all of our being needs to breathe, needs to be cared for, needs to be nurtured, but most importantly we forget that our being needs a rest.

I know that I certainly forgot lately.

On 9/5/14, I flew with my mother and brother for an overnight trip to Las Vegas. I had not been on a plane in about 22 years, so the plane ride there was an experience in and of itself. I am pleased to say that to and from Las Vegas, I came across some very nice people and that reassured me that all was not lost within humanity. Anyway, I had never been to Vegas and though we were only there for about a day, it was a break well deserved and most definitely needed. Seeing something different, new even, allowed me to rejuvenate myself enough to continue on with the steady pace in which my life had taken on. I was able to refresh myself so that any adversity that I faced, now seemed completely trivial in the grand scheme of things. It was pretty much exactly what I needed.

No matter what is going on in your life, ALWAYS take time out for yourself. Do something you love, see something new, take a mini vacay; it doesn't matter what it is as long you do SOMETHING. Sometimes, all you need is a day...

We are constantly on the move, but that doesn't mean that our being has to be. It's okay to just STOP every now and again because when you burn out, the world will still continue to spin...

Balloons Fly Higher and Higher...

With the more air that they are filled with...

I've been flying rather high since the release of "Treasure Chest" and I have no reason to come down. My state of mind is in a better place and my overall being is at peace. Whatever it was that I was previously going through, I think I might have found the strength to overcome it. And I'm not going to say that it was easy, because it wasn't. It took a lot of prayer and meditation, as well as "seeking help". I didn't seek help in the professional sense, but I did begin to talk about what it was that I was going through. I shared with others the state that my mental was in and I was blessed with their kind words and support. More than anything, their positive outlook was contagious. Contagious enough to bring me out of that black hole that I had taken up residence in.

I'm extremely big on pride. Like, I refuse to do anything that will weaken it, I guess. But sometimes, a person has to swallow their pride by the mouthful in order to get to that place that they so long dreamed about. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you wise.

Lately, I've been feeling pretty good about the path that lies ahead of me. I get the feeling that there's nothing but positive things to come my way. Even if some negative things should arise, I've strengthened my mental state to the point that those negative things will not put a chink in my positive mind state. Because let's face it, everything in life depends on your mind state. It's all about how you perceive a situation that will determine whether or not it makes or breaks you and quite frankly, I'm tired of being broken...