On The Eve Of My Thirties...

I reflect on all that my Twenties has taught me. Both good and bad, lessons were laid upon me like a hailstorm...

March has been a long month for me. One that's been full of reflecting and soul searching. So many moments I fell into "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda" thinking; became angry at myself for paths I didn't take when given the opportunity. On more than one occasion, I found myself reminding myself that I am who I've become BECAUSE of the paths that I've taken, the choices that I've made. My faith became my savior the moment I realized that the devil was trying to make me his servant. Though, I cannot truly put into words the mental and emotional trip I've been on, I thank God for pulling me through it...

And so with that said, I share with you some of my lessons...

·Your faith will ALWAYS get you through
·You can't trust everyone
·People are never who you believe them to be
·No matter how selfless you are, there's always someone that's selfish
·Never put your goals and dreams on hold for anyone
·Family will do you wrong in the WORST way
·Lifelong friendships means nothing if one of you are insecure
·People only want to know your business so that they can repeat it
·Be VERY selective with whom you loan money to
·Sometimes the "drama" that we find ourselves involved in was something that we brought upon ourselves
·Accountability is important
·Never jeopardize years of stability for a temporary curiosity
·Parenting makes your outlook on life change and matures you faster than anything else
·Life is full of hardships but the hardships make you stronger
·Everyone is battling some type of demons
·It doesn't make you selfish to sometimes put yourself first
·Men and woman CAN strictly be friends
·Every man and woman should have at least one friend of the opposite sex
·When boundaries are set, enforce them
·A healthy relationship requires growth
·Lack of communication can destroy even the strongest of relationships
·Never change completely, someone thinks you're perfect the way you are
·Opinions really are like buttholes
·Dreams and goals only have the limitations that you set on them
·Remain humble in all that you do
·Listen when God whispers because you don't want him to yell
·Material possessions do not determine the character of a person
·Often, your smallest accomplishments are your biggest ones

There are so many more lessons that I've learned that I could list, but I'm not. Just know that I'm going to go into my Thirties a lot stronger and wiser than I was while in my Twenties...

One Must Learn To Accept...

That time waits for no one...

(Sigh)

I will be 30 in less than two weeks and I feel more scrambled and unsure about everything in my life than I have ever felt before. I know what this is a direct result of and I keep telling myself that I'm over thinking it, but we all know that we are our own worst enemy.

I have set my standards so high lately that even I can't attain them! That, is ultimately, what my current mental downfall is. I feel like I should be so much further in EVERYTHING in my life right now, but I'm not. In some aspects I feel like I've back tracked, in others, I feel like I'm just sitting stagnant. More so than usual, I find myself reminding myself that I must be patient. That I must continue making the moves that I can yet all the while exhibiting a strong amount of patience.

Ha, patience! I never really was one to have too much of that...

My faith has taught me so much about my timing and God's timing and yet sometimes I find myself completely stuck on my timing. The best lessons are the most humbling ones and I don't know if I have it in me to be knocked out humbled again. I mean, if God sees to it, it will happen but for now I am trying to strengthen myself enough and discipline myself enough to where God wouldn't have to go out of his way to give me any friendly reminders; therefore, I have to keep in mind that there isn't really a such thing as "my timing" at all. 

I don't know. With age comes wisdom and with life comes lessons, so I guess I just have to remember that I'm not getting "older", I'm getting "wiser". Sounds good for now anyway...

Regret doesn't live here...

But apparently anger does...

The one thing that I thought I wanted the most, wasn't really meant for me to have. I was so close to getting it, or so I thought I was, but close wasn't close enough. I even wrote multiple poems about it to purge it out of my system, but apparently that didn't work; the residue from the adrenaline rush that the chase gave me still lingers, now stronger than ever before. Do I regret wanting it as much as I did? No, I'm just angry that I didn't get it. And I tried hard too, oh believe me, I tried. But ultimately, as much as I thought that I was in control of the outcome, I wasn't in control at all. Just a sheep living a sheep's life while trying to play with wolves...