Tuesday, July 28, 2015

For You Will Need Sunglasses...

Not because the sun is shining bright, but because my smile is.

Freedom. There are multiple definitions of the word, but this is the definition that I choose to use today: exemption from the presence of anything specified (usually followed by from). 

I write to you right now to say that I have never felt more free in my life than I do at the present moment. This is a happiness that I have not known before, but am glad to have made its acquaintance. I have embraced so many changes in the past month that I cannot understand why the idea of change at all ever scared me. But then again, I can understand it because change is the door in which on the other side lies the unknown.

At present, the unknown is the the only thing that I am most certain of. I cannot predict the future, nor do I know what lies ahead of me on the path that I have recently been traveling upon, but I can for sure tell you with absolute certainty that everything is unknown. Where I will end up in life: unknown. My relationships with people: unknown. My hair growing to be shoulder length like my sister's: unknown. What my exact purpose for existing is: unknown. When my time will be up: unknown.

And you know what? I honestly don't care either.

That's right, I DON'T CARE.

There was a time when I cared about everything and now, I don't. Don't get me wrong, it's not that unhealthy kind of not caring, the one where you throw up your middle finger and drop a slew of swear words, it's the one in which my shoulders are no longer heavy and my soul feels free. It is almost as if I am high off of my own freedom. I don't know when, how, or why it happened and I'm not going to question it either. Why would I when I feel as if I can finally breathe.

If anything, I give credit to my husband for leading by example. For showing me that the kind of freedom that I so long sought after was within my grasp the entire time. That the opinions of those around me was ultimately inconsequential in the grand scheme of my sanity. That all I needed to do in order to feel euphoria was to let go of everything that was holding me back. To let go of me...

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