Thursday, March 29, 2012

If It Hasn't Killed Me Yet...

That means it's made me stronger...

Last week, after a series of events that lead me to the ER twice, I was finally diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. It was a tough pill to swallow because there were a lot of factors working against me that tried to break my very being down. Granted, my case is very very mild and the symptoms are temporary (for some anyway), that didn't make the pill any easier to swallow.

Every emotion that I can think of, I might've experienced it. Optimism, pessimism, and indifference. It's angers me to think about it because I'm usually a pretty optimistic person, but for some reason, I wasn't. Not the entire time anyway. It took a day and half, constant praying, coninuous tears, and a poem to allow myself to find that optimistic me again. And I did. But again, that path, though short, was not an easy one.

There are times when I wonder what exactly am I doing in this life. Am I achieving my purpose? Am I making that "mark" on people's lives? Am I going to be remembered when it's all over? I don't know, but then again, no one really knows now do they?

Every obstacle in my life, scratch that. Every MAJOR obstacle in my life, has always caused me to feel like my world is going to end. But in all actuality, it never does. Strangely enough, it just starts back over again. And again. And again. Almost as if it were a "Ground Hog's Day" kind of movie or something. For that, I am thankful.

I'm almost positive that there are people in this world and people who have left this world that only wish they could have an opportunity to "start over" continuously. To learn from their mistakes, to strengthen from their weaknesses, to right the wrongs that they had done. So many wish they could, but can't. I can and have; always been able to actually. Time to stop taking those moments for granted and start utilizing them. No more feeling like my world is about to end or letting the devil crush my spirit. It's time to remember, I mean truly remember, who I am and what I stand for.

I am a child of God and there isn't anything that will change that....

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