If It Hasn't Killed Me Yet...

That means it's made me stronger...

Last week, after a series of events that lead me to the ER twice, I was finally diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. It was a tough pill to swallow because there were a lot of factors working against me that tried to break my very being down. Granted, my case is very very mild and the symptoms are temporary (for some anyway), that didn't make the pill any easier to swallow.

Every emotion that I can think of, I might've experienced it. Optimism, pessimism, and indifference. It's angers me to think about it because I'm usually a pretty optimistic person, but for some reason, I wasn't. Not the entire time anyway. It took a day and half, constant praying, coninuous tears, and a poem to allow myself to find that optimistic me again. And I did. But again, that path, though short, was not an easy one.

There are times when I wonder what exactly am I doing in this life. Am I achieving my purpose? Am I making that "mark" on people's lives? Am I going to be remembered when it's all over? I don't know, but then again, no one really knows now do they?

Every obstacle in my life, scratch that. Every MAJOR obstacle in my life, has always caused me to feel like my world is going to end. But in all actuality, it never does. Strangely enough, it just starts back over again. And again. And again. Almost as if it were a "Ground Hog's Day" kind of movie or something. For that, I am thankful.

I'm almost positive that there are people in this world and people who have left this world that only wish they could have an opportunity to "start over" continuously. To learn from their mistakes, to strengthen from their weaknesses, to right the wrongs that they had done. So many wish they could, but can't. I can and have; always been able to actually. Time to stop taking those moments for granted and start utilizing them. No more feeling like my world is about to end or letting the devil crush my spirit. It's time to remember, I mean truly remember, who I am and what I stand for.

I am a child of God and there isn't anything that will change that....

A Sigh Can Weigh So Much

And yet so little at the same time...

There are so many positive things going on in my life right now, that I am not in the least bit surprised that there is an undercurrent of negativity or even an undercurrent of things trying to bring me out of my "high". Even worse, it's the negative, aggravating things that once again drive me to want to write! I get tired of finding more inspiration to write when angry, upset, or aggravated; that is something that bugs me more than it should...

The majority of the poems that I have ever written, were written when something was bothing so much that I had to write about it in order to avoid exploding. Some people call my writing dark, others call it relatable(?). I don't know, but sometimes it would be nice to have more positive poems than negative ones. Then again, it was on negative emotions that I began writing; so I guess it only makes sense that it's the negative that drives my pen...

(Sigh)... So many words are said when not a word is uttered...