On the eve of the new year...
Every year, as the year comes to an end, I find myself reflecting on the past year; however, this year was different. I not only reflected on the past year, I reflected on the past ten years. Why? Because this is the last New Years Eve that I will celebrate in my thirties.
Damn...
Reading that hit harder than I expected it to. I am excited about it, but still...
Anyway...
As I look back on the past ten years of my life, I look without regret. Mistakes were made and lessons were learned; that's life. People came and went, goals were made and achieved, memories were made and some forgotten; life happened. It's supposed to happen and if there is one lesson that I had to learn on repeat until I finally understood it (hell, it's almost repetitive in my posts), it's that change is going to happen. Whether we like it or not, fight it or not, it is going to happen. It took the last couple of years for me to realize that once I stopped fighting the changes, "going with the flow" flowed much easier for me.
It's funny because that's pretty much the lesson that 2023 drilled into me. From parenting to "dating" to when my job went on strike... Woooo, now that might have been the ultimate "go with the flow" lesson right there. Understand, I enjoyed being off for 47 days (only because I was off three days before the strike began), but not knowing when you will go back to work or whether you will have a job to go back to was extremely stressful. However, regardless of how we were portrayed on the news, I and many others made the most out of a stressful situation. I had never seen so much unity among my coworkers as I did during the days that we were on strike. (I miss those days.)
But I digress.
I look fondly back on the lesson that was drilled into me this year because that meant that I had to learn to accept not being in control. When I am not in control, I feel like my life is, in a way, out of control and that freaks me out. However, once I accepted that not being in control wouldn't change the outcome of certain situations, I was able to relax, if that makes any sense.
I also look back even further with appreciation for the lessons that I had to learn in the past ten years. I never imagined the experiences, emotions, trials, or tests that my thirties had for me, but I am thankful for them all. Nor can I imagine any of those things for my forties, but I welcome them with open arms and a learning mind.
Tonight, I leave the last calendar year of my thirties and with it, all of my fears that held me back (and my gracious, were there many). As of midnight tonight, I will enter into my fortieth calendar year a stronger, wiser, and braver individual because I cannot fully accept change if I do not change as well...
