When Time Stops...

Does it ever stand still..?

Thirteen months ago, time stopped for me...

It stopped in a way that time should never stop for an individual. It stopped in a way that is should never stop for someone who isn't mourning the loss of a loved one. It stopped in a way that it should never stop for someone who supposedly has all of their shit together. It stopped in a way that it should have never stopped for me. 

I once wrote somewhere, "I died twice in that moment, yet my pulse still showed a beat." 

I would lie to say that I wasn't broken as a result of all that transpired in that moment. A moment that I still can't bring myself to publicly discuss. I want to, Lord, knows how much I want to; but I can't. By doing so would then make this "nightmare" a reality. Would make my current reality even more real and my emotions are too raw for that. I would be forced to accept the obvious and by doing so, I would be snatched back to a reality that I never imagined myself having to live.

My life changed that day. My outlook changed. My heart changed. I changed...

I used to believe in "forever". I used to believe in "love". I used to believe...in something...

Gone is the person that believed in the impossible. Gone is the person that believed in herself... 

Boundaries Are Laid...

For a reason and if one cannot respect those boundaries, they have to go...

I am not one to enforce boundaries. Hell, to be honest, I'm not really one to have them. At some point in my life, I became such a people pleaser that I allowed people to walk all over me in order to "keep the peace"; ignoring how they made me feel as a result. 

 Long gone are those days though.

It took a lot for me to become the person that I am in this moment. The person that opens her mouth when she feels slighted and puts her foot down when she's had enough. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. It wasn't easy for me to get to this, and honestly, i still have my moments where I struggle with being as assertive about disrespect. Understand, I still have a tendency to give a person a chance or two before I halt behaviors that make me uncomfortable, but it doesn't go any further than that.

I said all of that to say that anyone who truly knows me, knows what it takes for me to speak up. If I tell you how I feel about something, it means that it truly bothered me and I didn't like it. 

Enforcing boundaries has been one of the many things in my life that has allowed me to grow mentally and emotionally. I cannot stand strong as a person, as a woman, or even as a parent, if I am not making sure that the people around me respect my boudaries. More importantly, I cannot stand strong as an individual if I allow unlimited access to those who continue to disrespect them.

This life is mine. This path is mine. My happiness is mine and anyone that fucks with that has to go. Immediately. 

"I will watch the embers to a bridge burn before I ever allow continued access to anyone who didn't have my best interests at heart." La Kata E.K.