But I function the best when there isn't any noise...
That, honestly, sums up 2019 for me in a nutshell. I didn't really post anywhere nor did I really discuss anything with anyone. For the most part, I even cut myself off from people as well. I look back on 2019 and I don't really regret my decision to remain silent either.
Moving in silence is always best when you are trying to take care of yourself and that is one thing a lot of people often forget about: self care. I took this entire year to take care of myself, both mentally and physically, and I allowed myself the silence to do so.
2019 was very chill compared to 2018. It was like this endless feeling of being in a relaxed state of mind, something that I was never really good at accomplishing in the past. Somehow, I figured out how to drown out all of the noise that came from over thinking and by doing so, I lazily basked within it. Almost dangerously so.
(Multiple times, I did start a blog post, but I never completed them because I didn't really feel like it. I couldn't find the words to finish the thoughts that I originally had because that's how mellow I was, so don't be surprised if "backdated" posts appear out of nowhere.)
Looking back on 2019, there were multiple lessons there; multiple reminders. One of the lessons was a lesson in patience; actually, that was the major lesson and believe me, it took everything in me to learn from it. There are too many variables in this life that stop you from being in control of every aspect of your life and it's because of those variables, that we have to embrace a patient mindset. If we do not embrace that mindset, not only will we drive ourselves crazy, but we will become angry as well. Let's face it, anger never gets you anywhere positive and being crazy doesn't just effect you, it effects those around you as well.
One of the main reminders that I found myself getting was that no matter how far away you run from a thing, if it's meant for you then it will always be for you. For me, that was my life in the literary world. Like, it's no government guarded secret that in 2018, I walked away from that life. I walked away from my childhood dream and away from the career that I worked hard to build for myself, by myself. I walked away with the intention to never look back; however, the universe had other plans for me. Never have I had to look back because new opportunities keep landing right in front of me.
Basically, 2020 is the year that walk back into what I walked away from in 2018.
Overall, 2019 allowed me to rebuild the shattered being that 2018 turned me into. It gave me time to mend, to strengthen, to focus; but most importantly, it gave me time to be okay which was something that 2018 had not allowed me to be, even for a moment.
Tonight, I go into 2020 with a calm spirit, a clear mind, open arms, and a happy heart because that's how ready I am for what 2020 has in store.
Happy New Year!
