The heart will always want what it wants...
It is not much of a secret that I decided to take a break from life as an "active" author and many of the things tied to the literary world. However, in recent weeks, I find myself slowly gravitating back to that life.
I cannot necessarily say whether or not I will become as active as I once was, or active at all for that matter, but the desire to be active is there. Some days it is stronger than others.
Like a couple months ago. As a favor, I was asked to edit for a friend of an old client of mine. As I sat at my computer and made the necessary corrections needed to the document, I thought about the many other times that I did the same thing in the past. I thought about the feeling that I felt as I cleaned up an author's manuscript. The pride that I felt when the client expressed gratitude for a "job well done". The humble feeling that came over me when that client was listed as the person a new client was referred by.
Like yesterday. I stumbled across something that reminded me of when used to do author interviews and how I had not done any at all for the 2019 year. For one, I cannot say that I intended to stop doing interviews featuring other authors and for two, I actually miss showcasing other authors they way that I did. Getting to learn a little more about them and what inspired their pen was something that I actually enjoyed doing.
Then today. I found the desire to work on an "archived" WIP to be so strong and overwhelming, that I did not realize that I was working on it until I took a break from the screen to rest my eyes. Working on the one caused me to want to work on the other WIPs that I so casually "archived" when I decided that I wanted to do something different with my life.
Different. Hmph. I find it absolutely hilarious that I wanted, for whatever my reasoning was at the time, to do something different that I walked away from something that was so rooted in my core. Understand, I do not regret walking away from the author life; it was something that I felt that I needed to do, but maybe I should not have done it so abruptly. However, by doing so, I was able to find out other things that I could be driven by. Although, none so far have given me the adrenaline rush that being an "active" author did.
Wait... There is one thing that I feel might be able to make me feel like that or at least close to that, I just have to pursue it the way that I did when it came to writing. When it came to editing. When it came to interviewing. Basically, I have to put all of myself into it in order to see if it is something that I will want to actively pursue while I decide as to whether or not I am going to get back active in the literary world.
Until then, I will continue on my path of whatever it is that I am on. I will dabble in the things that I miss as a reminder that they are never too far for me to come back to and I will work on the things that interest me because how will I know if it is anything worth doing if I do not at least try it once.
