Sometimes All You Can Do....

Is breathe...

And once you begin to exhale, you then realize how long and how hard it was that you were holding your breath. The breath that you feared was going to quite possibly be your last...

It takes a mature and responsible person to be able to admit when they're wrong and today, that person is me. Lately, I haven't been reacting accordingly to certain situations in my life. I either under react or over react to them, causing me to end up with less than the stellar results that I was initially going for. Not only do I end up with less than stellar results, I end up losing sleep and receiving a massive headache behind it. That, I recently realized, has to stop...

Another thing that I recently realized is what is holding me back from being able to write. There is too much mental garbage cluttering up my thoughts and it's causing my mind to constantly go blank. One cannot be a successful anything when they cannot think straight and my thoughts are the keys to my success....

When A Caged Animal Feels Trapped...

Nothing good can ever come of it...

In the six months since I've blogged, I've had many ups and downs. Were some of them able to be put into words? Yes, but they were never completed thoughts of any kind. There was a poem that I had the pleasure of writing that made absolutely NO sense what-so-ever, but I was very proud of myself for it. Mainly because it was the first true breakthrough that I've had since being bogged down on a regular basis with the dreaded Writer's Block. I've actually posted that poem to my Fanpage and I'm thinking about doing a Youtube video of it as well.

Speaking of Youtube... I haven't posted anything since I posted the video over a year and a half ago of me reading the poem that was written because of my Bell's Palsy. It's crazy because I've only gone back and watched that poem about once or twice since I've been "healed". The one thing about that whole situation is that it was a VERY humbling one for me and it was the moment that I began my journey of getting to truly know myself. My strengths and weaknesses. What can make me and what can break me. Seems like there are a lot of things that have been trying to break me down as of late...

But anyway, back to what I had initally begun to say.

Lately, I feel like I'm moments away from exploding. There are times when I have these ridiculous childlike outbursts and/or even tantrums, if you will. This has been going on for quite some time now and I think I finally know exactly why that is. If I am not reading or even writing, then I seem to practically lose my mind. Everything around me makes me miserable and I find that people seem to get on my nerves more so than usual. It's a sad thing because I've been more down than I have been up and I cannot stand to be down. I want the "happy" and "content" me back; the only way that is to happen is if I go for what I know and what I know are words. Reading them, writing them, singing them, and more. God, how I love literature...

I've been writing a lot more though. I almost HAVE to. It's like a basic need for me, like water or air. There are MULTIPLE poems lying around that have one to three stanzas on them, but very few are completed. Shorter poems seem much easier for me to complete than longer ones and that's funny because years ago it was the other way around. I don't know. I do know that I've grown up quite a bit since I began working last year; working mainly caused me to HAVE to step outside of my world and into other's. It has caused me to begin to find a grey area that wasn't ever there growing up and even into my twenties. It has opened my mind up more than I could've ever imagined it to be. Working is also probably the number one reason why writing and I are at such a stand still...

Something has to change...