How Can One Properly Market...

When social media feels so daunting?

There used to be a time when I would happily log in to whatever social media account I had for my author side and interact with everyone. From fellow authors and writers to admiring fans and future readers; I would spend countless hours online socializing with them all. Most days, I could not wait to wake up and post what it was that I was working on, comment on what another was working on, or even ask the many questions that I always found myself thinking about as I fell asleep the night before. The more active I was, the more people engaged with my posts. 

There used to be a time... 

I cannot explain what changed from that time up to now, but I do know that I am not as active online as I once was. Hell, I am hardly active at all. 

I know that my lack of online presence is possibly hurting my chances of successfully getting my work out there since that is a huge form of marketing these days; however, that is just a risk I often find myself comfortable with taking. I think it is because it sometimes feels like a chore to be active vices just something to pass the time. It does not help that a lot of the algorithms require some kind of "cheat code" or "money dump" in order for your posts to be seen. 

It is no secret, to anyone, that the minute something you enjoy goes from being fun to being a chore, you find yourself no longer able to enjoy it. Clearly, I feel that that is the case with me. 

Understand, it is not that I am not familiar with Social Media Marketing. In fact, it is something I am rather skilled at. Over the years, I have taught myself the ins and outs of what works and what doesn't; read articles, downloaded books, paid attentions to trends, etc. With that knowledge, I know that my being active online plays a key role in getting future readers interested in my work, I just do not like the fact that there is so much more to it now than it was a few years ago.

Hmmm... 

Now that I think about it, I find it rather interesting that I, an extreme introvert, was ever that active on social media to begin with...

Grief Is Such An Interesting Emotion...

Especially when you are grieving someone that is very much alive...

It does not matter the individual that you are no longer in contact with, the memories are what always remain. Forever. And ever. Until they finally fade away; if they even fade away at all...

A few years ago, I walked away from someone who played a major role in my life. For over two decades, this person was in my life. A part of my life. Was my life. This person is still someone that crosses my mind every now and again; however, when they do, I often find myself angry at the weighted sadness that I feel in my chest over their absence. I say this mainly because their departure from my life involved some form of disrespect. 

Remember those boundaries I mentioned awhile back? Well, they crossed plenty of them.

Anyway...

Recently, it seemed as if memories of this person crossed my mind more than they have in quite some time. Like, fairly often compared to the "not at all" that was the last couple of years. As a result, I found that I was having trouble rationalizing my feelings of both sadness and anger at having these memories, so I saw my therapist about it (yes, I see a therapist and I strongly recommend it). During our last session, she told me that, "even though you no longer talk to someone, you will still go through a grieving process of losing them. Especially if it was someone that meant a lot to you." 

Hmmm...

There was plenty more said within that hour long session, but that specific bit right there is what hit me the hardest. In all honesty, I cannot say that I was pleased to hear that either. I was probably more annoyed than I should have been because why is my mind allowing to me think about anyone who I had to abruptly cut out of my life? Why do my eyes water at the sight of their pictures? Why does my chest ache at the memories? 

"Because you have to grieve what no longer is. It may take some time, but just like with death, you are going to grieve. The feeling of grief comes because of the death of something and this is no different..."

I hate it here....

There Is Much To Reflect On...

On the eve of the new year...

Every year, as the year comes to an end, I find myself reflecting on the past year; however, this year was different. I not only reflected on the past year, I reflected on the past ten years. Why? Because this is the last New Years Eve that I will celebrate in my thirties. 

Damn...

Reading that hit harder than I expected it to. I am excited about it, but still...

Anyway...

As I look back on the past ten years of my life, I look without regret. Mistakes were made and lessons were learned; that's life. People came and went, goals were made and achieved, memories were made and some forgotten; life happened. It's supposed to happen and if there is one lesson that I had to learn on repeat until I finally understood it (hell, it's almost repetitive in my posts), it's that change is going to happen. Whether we like it or not, fight it or not, it is going to happen. It took the last couple of years for me to realize that once I stopped fighting the changes, "going with the flow" flowed much easier for me.

It's funny because that's pretty much the lesson that 2023 drilled into me. From parenting to "dating" to when my job went on strike... Woooo, now that might have been the ultimate "go with the flow" lesson right there. Understand, I enjoyed being off for 47 days (only because I was off three days before the strike began), but not knowing when you will go back to work or whether you will have a job to go back to was extremely stressful. However, regardless of how we were portrayed on the news, I and many others made the most out of a stressful situation. I had never seen so much unity among my coworkers as I did during the days that we were on strike. (I miss those days.)

But I digress.

I look fondly back on the lesson that was drilled into me this year because that meant that I had to learn to accept not being in control. When I am not in control, I feel like my life is, in a way, out of control and that freaks me out.  However, once I accepted that not being in control wouldn't change the outcome of certain situations, I was able to relax, if that makes any sense. 

I also look back even further with appreciation for the lessons that I had to learn in the past ten years. I never imagined the experiences, emotions, trials, or tests that my thirties had for me, but I am thankful for them all. Nor can I imagine any of those things for my forties, but I welcome them with open arms and a learning mind. 

Tonight, I leave the last calendar year of my thirties and with it, all of my fears that held me back (and my gracious, were there many). As of midnight tonight, I will enter into my fortieth calendar year a stronger, wiser, and braver individual because I cannot fully accept change if I do not change as well...

When Something Calls Out For You...

 Eventually, you must answer...

That is how I feel about writing. 

This year, was a was not a kind year when it came to writing. I found myself with more writer's block about various topics than I have experienced in previous years. Ultimately, I chalk it up to my job and the mental stressors that came with it; which were quite a lot.

I love to write. Always have. Yet, multiple times throughout the last nine months, I found myself wondering if I had outgrown it. Wondering if it was something that I no longer felt "the need" to do. And you know what? The very thought scared the living shit out of me!

Why? Because the very foundation as to who I am as an individual is centered around the fact that writing is a part of who I am. It is what I do. It is what I am known for. IT IS ME...

When you know who and what you are, you can either embrace it or change it. I guess that is something that I will have to figure out as time goes on because I have not the slightest idea as to what I want to do when it comes to that side of me. 

To embrace or to change? That is the question.

Someone Grab A Shovel...

Because it's time to bury the past...

The past... A place where I no longer reside. A place that no longer holds me chained to memories and feelings that no longer suit me. A place that I walked away from when I realized it had the possibility to destroy my future.

I am no longer the same person that I was in the past; that person is dead and gone. Mourned for, but never forgotten. I mean, how can you forget someone who helped to shape you into the person that you are today? You don't.

The path to becoming who I am today was not an easy one. Frightenend by fear's whispers, I allowed myself to remain in a life that stifled all involved. Stagnant were the waters that should've bore bountiful nourishment. 

They say that hindsight is 20/20 because it is. More often than not, people are okay with "living in the past" because it's "safe". Because it's "familiar". Never once taking into consideration how unhealthy such behavior actually is. Or the severity of the blowback the negative ramifications will have on any innocent bystanders. Nothing beautiful can grow within a garden suffocated by weeds... Or can it?

All the same, may a beautiful future flourish out of the soil where the past now resides...

When Time Stops...

Does it ever stand still..?

Thirteen months ago, time stopped for me...

It stopped in a way that time should never stop for an individual. It stopped in a way that is should never stop for someone who isn't mourning the loss of a loved one. It stopped in a way that it should never stop for someone who supposedly has all of their shit together. It stopped in a way that it should have never stopped for me. 

I once wrote somewhere, "I died twice in that moment, yet my pulse still showed a beat." 

I would lie to say that I wasn't broken as a result of all that transpired in that moment. A moment that I still can't bring myself to publicly discuss. I want to, Lord, knows how much I want to; but I can't. By doing so would then make this "nightmare" a reality. Would make my current reality even more real and my emotions are too raw for that. I would be forced to accept the obvious and by doing so, I would be snatched back to a reality that I never imagined myself having to live.

My life changed that day. My outlook changed. My heart changed. I changed...

I used to believe in "forever". I used to believe in "love". I used to believe...in something...

Gone is the person that believed in the impossible. Gone is the person that believed in herself... 

Boundaries Are Laid...

For a reason and if one cannot respect those boundaries, they have to go...

I am not one to enforce boundaries. Hell, to be honest, I'm not really one to have them. At some point in my life, I became such a people pleaser that I allowed people to walk all over me in order to "keep the peace"; ignoring how they made me feel as a result. 

 Long gone are those days though.

It took a lot for me to become the person that I am in this moment. The person that opens her mouth when she feels slighted and puts her foot down when she's had enough. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. It wasn't easy for me to get to this, and honestly, i still have my moments where I struggle with being as assertive about disrespect. Understand, I still have a tendency to give a person a chance or two before I halt behaviors that make me uncomfortable, but it doesn't go any further than that.

I said all of that to say that anyone who truly knows me, knows what it takes for me to speak up. If I tell you how I feel about something, it means that it truly bothered me and I didn't like it. 

Enforcing boundaries has been one of the many things in my life that has allowed me to grow mentally and emotionally. I cannot stand strong as a person, as a woman, or even as a parent, if I am not making sure that the people around me respect my boudaries. More importantly, I cannot stand strong as an individual if I allow unlimited access to those who continue to disrespect them.

This life is mine. This path is mine. My happiness is mine and anyone that fucks with that has to go. Immediately. 

"I will watch the embers to a bridge burn before I ever allow continued access to anyone who didn't have my best interests at heart." La Kata E.K.