Growing up, that's who I wanted to be,
Her words, her style, her everything,
Now forever a spirit in poetry..."
~La Kata E.K.~
To cut off their nose to spite their face...
Growing up, I didn't fully understand what that meant. As I continued to get older, it made more and more sense to me. For a long time, I found myself moving rather swift with whatever sharp object you can think of. It's been only recently that my snipping fingers have become too cramped to cooperate. Which helps because you learn valuable lessons when you're not so quick to act. Basically, I've matured enough to appreciate the meaning of that saying and to know better than to make rash decisions.
In the last four months about, I've cut off MULTIPLE friends and family members and I stress the word "multiple" because it's beginning to add up to too many to count. At first, I felt as if I acted too swiftly, but as time passed and more reasons surfaced, I realized that I made the right decisions. Some people can't understand my positioning, but what they don't realize is that when a person gets fed up, they get fed THE HELL up. I am one of those people.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
I take trust and loyalty VERY seriously. Dangerously seriously. If you can't provide me the comfort of either, then titles be damned; I want NOTHING to do with you. And when I say "nothing", I mean it in every sense of the word. I've had to tone it down a bit because I would get good and annoyed at anyone who said a person's name that I wasn't speaking to. I would become extremely disgusted at myself for reminiscing on a positive memory involving a person that I no longer spoke to. It was getting to the point of poisoning my soul and that is never healthy. So I prayed and meditated until the pain of their indiscretions no longer hurt me; until their names were just simply words instead of words weighed with negative feelings. It took some time, but I'm doing rather okay now. I have to look out for me and my well-being, because what is important to me, isn't always important to others. So I have forgiven and I have even forgotten; by "forgotten", I mean what they've done and them all together....